


A Stranger to Myself

by snowynight



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Episode: s03e21 Requiem For Methuselah, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Unrequited, Vulcan Mind Melds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 05:37:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13288119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowynight/pseuds/snowynight
Summary: After Rayna's death, Spock helps Jim with his pain as before, but he realizes that his motive isn't so selfless after all.





	A Stranger to Myself

**Author's Note:**

> written for fan_flashworks: amnesty: Choices/Comfort/Memory challenge

"A very old and lonely man. And a young and lonely man. We put on a pretty poor show, didn't we? If only I could forget?"

Spock ached for Jim's suffering.

"I do wish he could forget her," The doctor said in his parting words.

Once the doctor left, Spock initiated a meld.

Jim's mind opened to him as readily as before when Spock soothed his pain: Miss Keeler, Jim's brother and sister-in-law, his wife and unborn son... Jim loved deeply, so every death wounded him, cutting into his soul.

It was only logical for Spock to help his brother and captain as he had the mean to do it. Jim would illogically deny his help because of his craving for pain, but there was no merit in prolonged suffering for its sake.

> "Stay out of this. We're fighting over a woman."
> 
> "No, you're not, for she is not."

_Strange, why this pain feels so peculiar ---_

_It is mine_ , Spock realized.

"Forget." Spock hastily retreated from Jim.

Jim looked at peace at last, but Spock knew he would have no rest since he woke up from his self deception.

He would have laughed at the irony if he were a human.

* * *

 

"Farewell, Jim," Spock whispered as he left Enterprise for Gol.

Jim would hurt, but he would be safe from Spock, while Spock would return to the path of logic. Sarek was right: a Vulcan corrupted by human emotion was dangerous.

Especially to the one closest to him.

Reaffirming his decision, Spock turned without looking back.


End file.
